This Morning I Woke Up and Looked in the Mirror....

Me and Ginger, My Other Mother!!

This morning I woke up and looked in the mirror and once again wonder what happened to the girl I once knew. Where did she go? How is it that she left so quickly? Morning time usually means swollen puffy eyes, a very paleface and some old woman looking back. I am not sure just what issue is attributed what, but I know that my Leukemia, my Sprycel and my near crippling side effects from the antibiotic Cipro are all to blame. Yes, I will concede that there is also the matter of two, calendar years to throw into the mix, but come on; I went to sleep looking and feeling like the person I have known my entire life and woke up looking and feeling like someone else.

I suppose that since it has only been a year that I was diagnosed with CML, and only two years since the Cipro poisoning, I still have moments of remembering who I was; and I must admit, I miss that person! I miss her tons, she was the girl that was like the Energizer Bunny; always on the go, full of energy and life and rarely ran out of steam. She was the girl that never got sick and could always just get up and go on a moment’s notice.

She didn’t have to remember to take meds every day and have to check her medical appointments before making plans. It never occurred to her that if she made plans, which she would not be able to follow through. The only thing that she ever worried about was if her children and grandchildren were healthy, happy and safe and how the rest of her immediate family was coping with their misfortunes. She lived every day without worrying about how she would feel the next day and if she had done too much that day, and would feel like crap the next. Basically I suppose, despite some difficult and tragic life experiences, you could say that she was a lucky girl.

Now, I have to realize that I am a lucky girl, just to be alive. I have a form of cancer that was deadly only twelve or thirteen years ago. I have to realize that even though my medication may make me feel crummy, that as long as I keep taking it, that they are getting one step closer to a cure, and one day there may be a chance that I may never have to take it again. Or, they may come up with a new drug that doesn’t affect me the way that this one does and then, I can go back to being that girl that I once knew again. Of course, I know that she will be a different girl, but hopefully, she will be new and improved!